


In the moment we're lost and found

by salvatorestjohn



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Angst, During Canon, Episode: s06e18 I Never Could Love Like That, Human Tyler Lockwood, Hurt Matt Donovan, Hurt/Comfort, In a way, M/M, Missing Scene, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23653759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salvatorestjohn/pseuds/salvatorestjohn
Summary: No matter how fast Tyler drives, it doesn't seem like enough. There's too much traffic, and he keeps having to slow down for lights, and he's trying his hardest not to take his eyes off of the road, but he can't help glancing at Matt every few seconds. He's making quiet, pained noises that he honestly doesn't feel like are enough considering the gaping wound in his stomach.
Relationships: Matt Donovan/Tyler Lockwood
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	In the moment we're lost and found

No matter how fast Tyler drives, it doesn't seem like enough. There's too much traffic, and he keeps having to slow down for lights, and he's trying his hardest not to take his eyes off of the road, but he can't help glancing at Matt every few seconds. He's making quiet, pained noises that he honestly doesn't feel like are enough considering the gaping wound in his stomach.

When his eyes move to him while waiting for a light to change, the blood is seeping through his shirt. Tyler can see where he pushed the chair leg right into Matt, realizing a second too late that it wasn't Caroline standing in front of him. He swallows, presses harder on the gas pedal and is moving as soon as the light flickers to yellow. Surely being in police training has to give him some leeway if his bleeding best friend in the passenger seat doesn't.

 _It's gonna be okay,_ he tells himself, repeating it over and over in his head like a mantra. Elena will be there and she'll give him her blood. He'll be healed in no time, and he'll have worked himself up for nothing. Except it's not nothing, because he just stabbed _Matt_. He tries his hardest not to think about how easy it was; how the broken wood just tore right through Matt's skin like it wasn't there at all. How he had to have punctured _something_. How he could hear Matt's heartbeat stutter, could feel the strangled noise he made, watched him crumple to the ground—

He pulls the car around the corner and in front of the hospital. Within seconds, he's helping Matt out and pulling him through the doors. He barely registers anyone or anything else around them. His mind is set on finding Elena. As soon as he spots her in the hall through the windows, relief flows through him but it's sharp. He can't relax yet.

They shove through the doors, leaving them swinging on their hinges. His own voice calling out, "Elena! We need help!" is faint to his ears, his heart thundering. She rushes over as he helps Matt stumble down into the nearest seat. Tyler makes the mistake of looking down. 

The towel being used to staunch the gaping wound, like his shirt, is soaked with blood, It's getting worse, he realizes. Of course it is. A whole wooden leg went straight through his stomach. All of the colour has gone from Matt's skin, practically translucent and shining with sweat. 

Everything's happening so fast the next moment; Elena trying to get Matt to take her blood, the whole reason that Tyler didn't stop at the first doctor on the way. But Matt's refusing, and Tyler barely gets the chance to tell him to take the damn blood before Matt's calling out for Jo and is being hauled off on a gurney by a group of alarmed doctors. 

He can only stand there with Elena in shock, staring after him. Reality swings by and knocks into his chest like a winding blow. Matt could actually die. There's no vampire blood in his system, no magical ring to bring him back—and even then, it wouldn't work because Tyler isn't a hybrid anymore, he's not Supernatural. With how deep that chair leg went... he isn't exactly well-versed in medicine or biology but he has a feeling that it's not the easiest thing to fix. 

By the look on Elena's face, he's right to be worried. She turns around, eyes full of panic and so many other things that Tyler can't process right now, not with his head spinning like this. 

"What the hell happened?" she asks again, stepping close to him until she can safely lower her voice. 

"It was..." Tyler shakes his head, but the words won't come out. It was Stefan, it was Caroline. It was their taunting, that humanity switch, _damn it._ "It was me. I did it, Elena. God, I did this to him. Matt, he—"

He drops into a seat behind him. Elena follows, sitting next to him. He swallows, but it doesn't take the ball of guilt down with it. 

"I was trying to hurt Caroline," he forces out. He explains the whole thing to her. She's shocked about Caroline and Stefan, and he can tell she's thinking about leaving to check on them. "Elena, is Matt going to be okay? Without your blood? Can the doctors here save him?"

Elena hesitates. It's enough for him to begin spiralling all over again. There's no way of being sure, not from out here, not even Elena can without knowing the extent of the damage done. 

"They'll do everything they can, I know they will," she says, gentle but firm. It's like she's trying to comfort both of them. "He'll be okay, Tyler. There's nothing either of us can do now, so we just... we just have to wait."

Everyone knows that waiting's the worst part. But Elena's right. There's nothing left for him to do but wait here and worry. Elena, probably sensing it, lays a hand on his arm. The gentle pressure of her fingers is almost comforting. 

"I have to go back to work," she tells him, and he nods, understanding. "But I'll keep checking for updates on Matt, and I promise you'll know anything as soon as I do. Try not to overthink it for now, okay?"

It's not an agreement Tyler can make but he gives another disconnected nod all the same. Elena lets go of his arm and stands up after a beat, leaving him to continue what she had been doing. 

* * *

It's just over two hours before Tyler hears anything. He just sits there in that chair, trying to distract himself. He paces off to the side while thinking about what they're going to do once Matt's out. It's going to take a while before he's allowed back to training, to give him time to recover like a normal person. And hopefully whatever the hell Damon's plan is has already worked, or is at least going to so that they can get Stefan's and Caroline's humanity back on. A repeat of this is the last thing he wants or needs.

He's leaning against the wall and intently watching the end of the hall that Matt was rushed down when Elena finally reappears. Her eyes are wide and her expression gives nothing away aside from an almost dismayed glint. But as soon as she spots him, he can see the breathless smile. Tyler immediately moves to meet her in the middle of the hall.

"He's okay," she says right away. "He's—he's stable, they managed to get all of the wood fragments out without an issue. Apparently you got him in just in time."

The relief crashes down on him and sweeps the weight of the fear from him at the same time. Matt's okay, he thinks, and his heart holds onto the thought tightly, refusing to let it go now that he can be sure of it. 

"Oh thank god," he breathes out, now able to do so without his throat tightening or feeling like his ribs are being crushed under some invisible anvil. 

"He's conscious as well," Elena adds with a slight tilt of her head, catching his eyes meaningfully. There's an underlying strain to her voice, and that dismay is back with a flicker of hurt for some reason unknown to him. But she just brushes it aside. "Groggy from the pain meds which he's thankfully not refusing, but he's awake." 

Tyler falters, understanding what she's getting at. He's surprised to find he's not jumping to go and see him. The only reason that they're here right now is because Tyler couldn't muster up even an ounce of self-control to listen to Matt and back off Caroline before it got to this point. He tried telling himself that they were going to kill them, he was just trying to stop them. But he knows it isn't true. He just couldn't help himself. 

"I... I don't think he's gonna want to see me," he says. 

Elena's eyes flicker with exasperation, but it's gentle. "Tyler. Matt wants to see you. I just talked to him. He isn't going to blame you for any of this. Just go and see him."

As hesitant as he is, he can't help but give in. The guilt is eating at him on the inside but he can't imagine that not seeing Matt right now is going to make it any better. Besides, part of his mind isn't letting him fully believe that he's alright since the last time he saw him he was bleeding out and looked seconds away from a more permanent trip to the other side. 

He nods, giving a strained but grateful smile, before heading down the hall in the direction of Matt's room. There's a moment's hesitation when he reaches the door, then he pushes it and takes a tentative step inside, 

Even as glazed and slightly out-of-it as Matt's eyes seem, they move to him immediately. Tyler draws in a sharp breath at the sight of him. Pale skin, eyes dulled to the blue of a murky lake rather than the sky during a clear summer's day, and hooked up to an IV. He's just glad that the blanket is covering up the wound or else he might have just broken down there and then.

He can't help his surprise when Matt's face splits into a weak, but sincere grin. "Hey."

"Hey," Tyler breathes out, eyes still wide, but something inside of him relaxes. Even so, the twisting, knotted feeling in his stomach doesn't ease or loosen much. "Elena told me that you were awake. She said you wanted to see me?" 

It comes out as more of a question, still uncertain. He's waiting for Matt to explode at him. Shout at him for not listening to him, for pushing Caroline so far, for being so stupid to even try and take on her and Stefan while they're both without their humanity. Of course they wouldn't care about sacrificing everyone else. If it wasn't for Damon showing up, Matt could be dead. Because of him. 

But Matt doesn't even look angry. He just nods. The medication, Tyler thinks. That must be it. It's keeping him too drowsy to process what actually happened. That has to be it. 

He walks slowly, approaching the bed. The apology spills out of him on its own. 

"I am so sorry, Matt. I didn't—" he swallows, shaking his head, and he crosses the rest of the room in three quick strides. "You were right, I—I shouldn't have provoked them like that. I should have listened to you. You know that I never wanted to—that I would _never_ —"

"Hey, hey," Matt interrupts his faltering spiral into a pit of overwhelming guilt. That kind smile stays, though it fades the slightest bit. "It's okay. I'm still alive, aren't I? Guess death just really doesn't want to keep me, huh?"

"Don't joke," Tyler says sharply. "I could have killed you. And—why the hell did you refuse Elena's blood? You don't have Jeremy's ring anymore, and even if you did, there's no other side. You would have just been dead." 

Matt sighs, and the smile drops completely. On any other day, Tyler would do anything to bring it back, hating to be the reason he looks so miserable. But he can't bring himself to push past it, not now. 

"Because it would make me a hypocrite to use vampires to my advantage and still say I hate them." He shakes his head as if weary of the subject already. Something tells him Elena's already worn it out. "Look, Ty, I get it. If I had died because I refused Elena's blood, you would be a werewolf again. I'm sorry, all right? I just—I didn't think about it at the time, just that I knew if I was gonna die, I didn't want it to be with vampire blood in my system." 

Tyler stops. He just stares at him, disbelief unfurling over the guilt. Something sinks inside of him, heavy and tugging at his chest like a hook piercing right through it and between his ribs. It may as well rip his heart out while it's at it. 

"Wait." The hurt in his voice shines through clearly. "You think that's why I wanted you to take Elena's blood? That—that that's why I'm a mess right now?"

Matt stares back at him with equal confusion and Tyler's heart really does break this time. He breathes out a scoff.

"You think I care more about some curse than your life?" he asks, but doesn't pause for an answer. "I've been going out of my mind for the last however many hours because you could have died. I could have killed you. And the thing that terrified me most about that was the thought of losing you, and especially it being my fault. I wasn't thinking about what would happen to me, Matt, I was worried about _you_." 

The pain medication slightly delays Matt's ability to process what he's saying, the confusion and surprise only just wearing off. But a beat passes, his words hanging in the air between them, and then Matt's face falls. He catches Tyler's hand in his own, to Tyler's own surprise. 

"I didn't mean it like that," Matt gently says. "I know you were worried about me. But I'm okay. Really."

There's a light pressure to Tyler's fingers and he has a feeling it's about as much as Matt can even manage right now. The thought makes his stomach twist, but he pushes it to the back of his mind as best he can. 

Yet he doesn't stop looking at their hands. It's easier than looking in Matt's eyes. If he does that, then all he'll be able to see is that flash of pain and fear. The light quickly dying. Hear that noise he made, feel the chair leg in his hands, pushing into Matt. The overwhelming feeling of helplessness as all he could was sit there with him on the floor of that bar knowing how to do nothing more than slow the bleeding with some rag. 

At least if it had been Elena with him she would have known what to do, even with nothing at hand. He thought that doing this—the police academy—meant he could do something good. But for what? Eventually, he's going to end up having to seriously injure someone, if not kill them. It's inevitable. Does not being able to save someone count as killing them? Even if he isn't the one to strike the fatal blow? No, Liv already proved to him that's not how it works. But if he had just been able to do something, anything.

This time, they got lucky. But what if there's no Damon next time? No convenient rescue. No hospital close enough to get there "just in time." Matt wouldn't only have died because Tyler killed him, but also because he didn't know how to save him. 

"Ty." Matt squeezes his hand a little tighter now. "Don't. Okay? I know that face." 

Tyler shakes his head and manages a small but real smile. "I'm not spiralling. Just" —he sucks in a breath through his teeth, letting it go with a sigh— "thinking."

"About...?" Matt prompts with a light chuckle that admittedly makes him feel a little better. 

Tyler hesitates, then he says, "I think I'm gonna quit the academy."

Matt's face drops. He's already opening his mouth, to protest, Tyler's sure. 

"But only," he hurries on, stopping him with his lips parted, "because I wanna go to college. Properly, this time. I can still enroll, or I might be able to for the next semester, I don't know. But... I think that's what I want to do." 

The worry that Tyler's being impulsive or rash in his decisions fades from Matt's face. Left in its place is surprise. His confusion shows through again as his eyebrows furrow. 

"Okay," he says slowly. "But I thought you said there was no point?" 

"I did. But I might have found one." Matt just stares at him expectantly and Tyler asks, "How would you feel about addressing me as Dr. Lockwood?" 

Matt doesn't seem to be able to tell if he's serious or not. Which he understands—helping people has never really been his thing, and he's pretty sure he flunked biology at some point in high school. But with this gene inside of him, just laying there dormant, waiting for him to hurt someone to the point of taking their life. He thinks he could do something, even the scales a little. 

"You wanna become... a doctor?" Matt asks uncertainly with a glance around them. "Like, a medical professional? Go through med school, all that?" 

Tyler shrugs, and says, "Yeah, I think I do." 

"See, you keep saying 'I think' and it's making _me_ think you haven't thought this through." 

Laughing, Tyler shakes his head. "I have. Or at least... I will. I have time to be sure." 

Matt stays quiet. There's the subtlest twitch in his mouth, probably biting at the inside of his lip like he's had a habit of doing when he's thinking since they were kids. He's just staring again, like he's trying to figure something out. Searching. But he must come up empty as he sighs. 

"Look, Ty, you know I wanna support you—and I always will, no matter how crazy your plan may be." He pauses for a second to return Tyler's grin, a light shining in his eyes. "But if you're only doing this out of guilt, or something like that, or because of what happened, then I don't think—" 

"It's partly because of that," Tyler agrees. "But it's also because I want to _do_ something. Being a cop—it's just not for me. But at least if I had some kind of degree in medicine, I could be able to actually help people. To help our friends. I know that it seems rash."

Matt makes a soft noise as if to say, _you think?_ but he waits for him to go on.

"But what would be the harm in it? Even if it doesn't work out and I change my mind, then that's it. Not a big deal. But I just... I have to at least try. Besides, it wouldn't hurt to know some basic first-aid. Pretty sure I've forgotten everything from that one class in tenth grade. And three weeks ago."

That brings a reluctant grin to Matt's face, which then dissolves into a quiet chuckling scoff. He shakes his head at him as if exasperated, but the look on his face is diving into fond. The wariness surrounding Tyler's idea seems to be leaving Matt as he stays quiet for a moment more, casting his eyes back over to him. 

"Suppose Dr. Lockwood has a bit of a ring to it," he says, his grin widening. 

Tyler returns it. "Exactly! And how hard can it be? Plus, you know I'll be the hottest doctor in the state. Excluding Elena. I think we're equal on that level." He smirks and gives a joking wag of his eyebrows. "Wouldn't you agree?"

"No comment," Matt laughs. "But I'm sure patients will be swooning. Assuming you actually go to college this time."

"I will," Tyler insists, leaning back in his seat. "I'll be in pretty much every class with Elena, so she probably won't let me just ditch. Plus, neither will Liv, especially with Jo in charge. Don't worry about me, I have a plan."

"There's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one."

"All right, shut up, smart guy."

"Okay, okay," Matt holds his hand up in mock surrender, "all joke's aside. I think it's a good idea."

Tyler smiles. "Thanks. And now—" he pushes himself up out of his seat, finally letting go of Matt's hand, "—I need something to eat. Cafeteria or do you want me to see if I can find a store nearby? Might be able to find something actually edible."

"You realize that I'm not getting released tonight and visiting hours are gonna be over soon, right?" Matt asks, peering up at him with amusement.

Tyler scoffs. "Like that's gonna stop me. Be back soon."

Matt laughs in fond exasperation once more as Tyler backs away towards the door.

"You better be," he says, eyes dancing a little brighter. A little more alive than the half-dead version of him that he saw in the car, or even when he came into the room, at least. As long as he's alive and looking at him like that, it's enough for Tyler.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I'm gonna be honest in saying that I don't remember if Tyler was already enrolled in Whitmore at this point, but I'm pretending he isn't already for convenience. Roll with me and the angst!!


End file.
